I wanted to take a minute to sum up the year that was 2009 and look ahead to 2010. But before I do that, I think some thanks are in order…
I want to take the time to thank my friends.. new and old, internet and real life. My friends who put up with my ups and downs, and allow me to be me. Friends who love me for who I am and support my man hair-brained schemes. My friends who took me in out of the cold and fed me, clothed me and helped keep a roof over my head. I know that I’m not necessarily the easiest person to be friends with… but that makes it all the more special that I have you in my life. It’s your strength and conviction that has kept me alive and positive. The man is the sum of the individual parts, and I sincerely believe that you all help make me who I am.
2009 was the most challenging year of my life. It came in filled with unsure hesitation, and “what does it mean” questions. I spent New Years eve with an incredible woman who’s love carried me the whole year and a half we were together. Her positivity was simply addictive and it was my good fortune to have had her in my life. I also spent New Years eve surrounded by my friends and their wives and kids. But I think it was this very “traditional” and family filled entry into 2009 that got my anxiety going. It wasn’t apparent at first, but snuck up on me. The idea of growing old and settling down. I wanted it all, but was so uneasy about it. I guess it was all this anxiety and unsettling unsure feeling that was the ultimate downfall of our relationship. Loosing it and her was a loss like none I had felt.
Not long after the collapse of my relationship i lost my job. It was a job I was no longer happy with, but in this crazy economy, loosing your income was a dangerous and frightening challenge to deal with. The balance of the year was filled with bike riding, and penny pinching. Dates that didn’t work out, missed connections and failed business ventures. I began to drink myself into a hole and created self fulfilling prophecies of destruction and failure.
The holidays snuck up on me with no end to the financial ruin in sight. I found myself surround by toxic people and became as unhappy with myself as I had ever been. Sad, lonely and heartbroken I reached out to my friends who supported me and helped me see that positive things were around the corner.
The rules of attraction say that positivity attracts positivity and negativity attracts negativity. I sincerely believe that to be true. Maybe it took my being so lost and turning to my positive friends to begin to see, feel and attract positive fortune.But the last few days of 2009 began to show snippets of the amazing and happy things that were to come for me. I got a few calls about potential work opportunities, one of my favorite singers contacted me about buying one of my artwork pieces, I met this super special person who’s had me smiling for weeks and I got to count down the new year surrounded by friends in Sunny San Diego, relaxing in warm sun and friends love.
I believe that my world has changed as has my future and my luck.. and my fate for that matter. I don’t fool myself by thinking the rest of my life will be all peaches and cream.. but for now I’m feeling creative, positive and excited about my future. I start grad school in the summer and need to go into it with the best attitude possible, and if my feelings continue, and I’m able to attract these positive people and experiences, then grad school will be a fantastic and challenging experience. One I look forward to with endless enthusiasm.
So to sum up, i say thank you to you all.. the people who came into my life, and even thank you to those of you who were lost from my life. I’m better for having had the ups and downs with so many of you. I cherish the good and bad, the happy and sad and each of you who shared life with me. Thank you and i wish you all the happiness and success in the world.
thank you.
